What is happening to you? Us? Me?
Our arguments are getting worse, You've scolded me vulgarity that no guy has ever say to me in my whole entire life. You know how much it hurts when the one you love the most hurts you with his own words. Yet you do it to me. Maybe you don't feel any regret cause all those regrets are covered with EGO. I admit I have ego as much as you do, But ive learned how to control it. Do you feel proud saying vulgarity to a girl?throwing your ego at me? Dont you feel guilty for making me cry all the time? Dont you? To be frank, Today was the worse fight I ever had with you, Today I know your true colors. Its awfully terrible, But what I can do? Nothing. Cause when I start to talk, You keep thinking that I always blame you in every situation we're in. So I better keep my mouth shut and just buried my feeling of hurt, sadness, depression in me. I put you first from everything, But you dont even appreciate a single shit of it. Even my FAMILY. People just dont notice your good deeds. They always will notice the bad ones. Cant blame you. Humans are like that.

You said that Ive never changed at all. Sometimes I thought to myself, To love someone is to accept for who they are, They no need to be change a single shit of them. But then reality confused me. You confuse me. and what can I do? Nothing. After all 9 months together, Ive been tolerating all the shits you've been through. Parents took your whole month pay, Friends FORGOTTEN you. Think back. Who was there for you? No one except this stupid girl who always stand strong just for you and in the end vulgarity, hurt, tears what she had in return. If one day I decided to leave and move on. Try finding a girl like me who brings to places you never even gone to. Trying her very best to make you smile every date. Gave you everything you need, Cooks for you spaghetti. Who stays with you through out thick and thin. Appreciate what you have now, Dont regret when its gone. I dont know why cant you notice yourself, Remember the syuqrie who stop me from crying when he hears me started to cry on the phone? Remember the syuqrie who turn down his ego after hearing me cry and immediately say sorry? You know I fucking hate the fact that people change. Everything was beautiful back then. But then Im the one who destroys it. I know I notice. But now, Ive change, I quit saying vulgarity. But now you started it. Can you see whats going on in our relationship? I just got nothing else to say. Maybe I'm not the one who's you looking for..

Ive crying every night. Ive been having to much stress. Studies, Licenses, Grandpa in hospital, Relationships. When will everything gonna end? My studies has drop. Ive not been doing well in school, common test. Ftt is near another 6 more days and I cant even get anything in my head. Grandpa has admitted in the hospital on Thursday, 26 July 12. His blood is low. And he has internal bleeding. And lastly, Relationship. Things between me and boyf is not going well.. Been arguing. And I cant take it anymore. I want to leave but I love him to much to let him go. For the first time ever a guy scold me vulgarity ad much as he did today, Do you know how it feels when the one person who you really love hurt you so bad by their own words. Yes, thats what i feel right now. Maybe I deserve all this? Maybe What i did in the past comes back to me. its okay. Ill stay until I cant take it anymore. Slowly. I tell myself that I have to take one step at a time.